The secret to better sex
Talking about sex can bring you closer. When we expose ourselves enough to tell the truth about how sex makes us feel and what we want, it creates intimacy and builds trust..
That emotional connection and freedom to be honest has the power to make sex the best it can be. Which is why it forms the basis of all great relationships.
Why is it so hard?
For men
Many men feel a real pressure to perform in bed. To be good enough, long enough, big enough, strong enough. For them, asking you what you like in bed can feel like an admission of failure. But the truth is, asking your partner what they do and don't like is the beginning of an even better sex life, and the basis for a better relationship.
For women
Some women are afraid that talking openly about sex will make them appear too pushy or sexually experienced. But it doesn't need to be a big deal or feel cringe-worthy to express yourself freely.
Start with gentle, positive directions like "that was great" to show what you like, and try not to give too many negative comments. Your partner needs instruction; if your body is new to them, teach them how it works. Be clear about what you feel comfortable with and what's ano-no for you.
Sex is a learning process. No two bodies are the same so it follows that what works for one body won't necessarily work for another. That's why learning what works for the object of your desire is so important. If you don't ask what turns him or her on, how you make them feel, and what they feel comfortable with – you'll never know. And when your lover does open up, make sure they know how glad you are they trust you enough to be honest.
Pick your time to talk wisely though; it's usually not a good idea to discuss sex immediately before, after, or in the moment because feelings are at their most vulnerable. Find a better time like when you're on a drive or walk together.
Ok, so how do I start the conversation?
Being able to talk with your partner about what you both want and what you don't want before you end up in bed is essential when it comes to having better, safer sex. Not sure how to start? No worries, these short 'conversation starters' films will help you find the words.
